It’s been a while.
The title is a Seth Glier song, and I think it represents my current station in life pretty well.
So, there’s this boy. Let’s call him “Boy A” .
Boy A is the most gorgeous thing that I have ever laid eyes on, and I would walk over hot coals for him.
However.
We are no longer together. Or are we? But, wait…what?
It’s a gray, murky area.
I am in love with him. ‘Nuff said. But, now, it’s his move.
We are taking a break over the summer. Three whole months for me to begin the healing process in therapy (gotta learn how to cope with all these emotions!) and for him to figure out what he wants and what he’s gonna do about it.
I have fought it tooth and nail…until yesterday. At which point, I found some peace and relinquished control. All my tears and anger was doing nothing but pushing him away and making me look insane. So, I took a deep breath, and let Boy A have the driver’s seat.
What he does with it is his choice. However, I am putting myself first this time.
If Boy A wants me back, then he’ll have to make it work. I’m going to try to focus on my needs. Be who I need me to be. Maybe we’ll find a way to work things out. Don our coveralls and get into the trenches, as it were.
But if not, then I have a new best friend. Me.
~~~~~~
She’s a warm sensation, like some Mexico vacation
Where you come and go but never truly leave.
She leaves a calming notion, from her love-inducing potion
As you get swallowed up, and spit out by her sea.
She’s a constant yearning, as your stomach goes and turning
Like the ferris wheel at every county fair.
She’s a child’s grin that paints dimples on your chin,
As you smile back, completely unaware.
This feeling’s lost to made and break
You said, “Love is past expiration date”
Well, is it?
It was gone before it started, and the songs you sang, you sang again and again
You lead me on, break my heart, steal my records and you trash my car.
You let me go, with all you do, as my circle of addiction leads me back to you, back to you.
She’s crazy like tomorrow, but she’s as gentle as a sparrow
As her smile sprays sunshine in the dust.
This may be an illusion, or some fairytale conclusion
As her mind is glazed with Heaven’s golden dust.
Sometimes when she dances, it makes me shy from all the glances
Like the moonlight through Autumn’s murky sky.
It saved by her smile, as I’m torn from mile to mile,
With a knowing glance transcending from her eyes.
I tell that I’m okay, because it is the only way I’m over you.
Do you teach me love, or teach me pain,
Some self-fulfilling game you play, now don’t you?
You lead me on, break my heart, steal my records and you trash my car.
You let me go, with all you do, as my circle of addiction leads me back to you, back to you.
Will I break down?
Right now down is where I wanna be.
With the shadow of affliction, shaking hands with me.
And will we break up?
But up is where you oughtta be.
With the shears of past addiction, to cut your love free.
Set your love free.
you lead me on, break my heart, steal my records and you trash my car.
You let me go, with all you do, as my circle of addiction leads me back to you, back to you.
Back to you.
She’s a warm sensation, like some Mexico vacation,
Where you come and go, but never truly leave…
Love's a State of Mind 